Tuesday, 29 October 2013

No Strictly Blog

I'm very sorry there will be no Strictly bloggage this week as my youngest currently looks like this:

So I haven't even had a chance to WATCH the damn thing yet. Hopefully all systems will be resumed as soon as her head stops spinning round. Anyone wants to offer their version I am happy to post it here!

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Strictly Shorter

Reet then me darlings, it's that time of the week again, this is going to be short, sweet and with minimal perving (hahahahhah - you don't really believe that do you?) Anyhoo Keeeeeeeeeeep reading:

Sophie and Brendan - Foxtrot
Lovely, she managed to look really relaxed and elegant and old Hollywood to perfection all the way through this. Fabulous frock dahlinks!
Scores - Me - 9 Judges 8,9,9,9

Fiona and Anton - Rumba (?)
OH NOES it's return to the Dell'Olio's/Hall/Widdecombe state of affairs. Howay man bonny lass, that poor boy has been through enough. Yeah, I honestly think her biggest problem is her nerves, can they not like, sedate her or summick? Or a couple of G&T's usually sorts me out. They're going to be in trouble fairly quickly if things don't improve
Me - 5 Judges 4,6.6.6

Mark and Iveta -Cha Cha Cha  (for some reason in my notes at this point I have written "urgh Brucie I could VOM!" I have managed to block out of my memory whatever it was he did. If you know - please don't tell me I don't need that memory back - cheers!)
This dance displayed Myer levels of bonkerness, Mark in his shitcatcher pants and gold lame top, it was comedy fooking genius. I loved every second, and actually he was really good, the dude can shift can't he? I laughed along, and it was 'with' and not 'at' which is fabulous!
Me - 8 Judges 3,8,8,7

Ashley and Ola - Viennese Waltz
It was alreet, fairly elegant, a little bit boring. I thought he did a fairly good job and I liked Ola's dress. S'it.
Me - 7 Judges - 7,8,8,8

Julien and Janette - Salsa
Have you ever been to someones house and the parents fetch out the beloved child they think is talented and they make the child perform, and then you have to tell the snot nosed git that it's fabulous and amazing and on the inside you really want to leave and never come back? That.
Me - 3 Judges - 4,6,7,6
* I have just stuck a mp3 of my child singing at the end of a podcast BUT that is totally different because she is singing the Defenders of the Earth theme tune and it's hilarious, she's RUBBISH it's cute as hell. Totally different...shuddup o yer faces!

Rachel and Pasha - Quickstep
Mmmmm Pasha, if only you'd taken your top off it might have distracted us all from the fact that it was a little bit too difficult for her. Loved the concept, loved the outfits but she's a little gawky and though I think it's good to push maybe this was a push too hard?
Me - 7 Judges 5,7,7,7

*I love the relationship between Len and Bruno, it's usually more like this on the American version, but Bruno falling off his chair laughing here was just a delightful highlight for me. Love his face.

Ben and Kristina - Salsa
Look, I don't know about the rest of you, but when that geet bloke starts flinging this little woman all over the shop, my brain goes to a naughty, naughty place. If your brain does not work that way I both envy and pity you in equal measure. That was fabulous, he's still a little stiff (oooer) but he is blatantly loving it now, and that's joyful to watch and those lifts were sooo impressive, I actually gasped when they did that when where her face went speeding towards the floor..oh my gosh that's good telly that is!
Me - 8 Judges - 8,8,8,7

Deborah and Robin - Jive
I can't believe how much I love the po faced one offa Dragons Den! It's that bloody grin, it's on her face the whole time it's infectious, she remains utterly adorable despite wobby problems and flagging energy levels.
Me - 6 Judges - 5,6,6,6

Natalie and Artem - Quickstep
No quips, no funny remarks. That was outstanding and I loved every bloody second. That is all.
Me- 9 Judges- 9,9,8,9

Patrick and Anya - Cha Cha Cha
Sexy and naughty this boy can cha cha. That was really, really good. I enjoyed it no end. He was pulling some really weird faces but his hips and bum were mesmorizing so who cares?

Abby and Aljaz - Tango
Her best dance so far and my favourite dance of the night

Dramatic and beautiful and just unexpected - especially with the music choice, that was inspired. I really loved it. Go Abby!
Me - 9 Judges 9,8,9,9

Dave and Karen - Waltz
Another beautiful flipping frock, I want this one though obviously I would look like a badly stuffed settee in it. A sweet dance missing the Myer magic in my opinion. But nice
Me - 6 Judges - 5,6,6,6

Susanna and Kevin - Samba
I loved the concept and storytelling but it did make me think about how the girls dance on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. She's gorgeous and it was a bit messy but she's just beautiful to watch - wildly sexy! I love her
Me - 7 Judges 6,7,88

The opening dance was stunning, much more like it. I really loved it!
Tess's dress was minging and black shoes - what were you thinking?!
Dance Off - Rachel and Pasha and Julien and Janette unsurprisingly

Well I thought Rachel danced much better that time so the result was pretty obvious. Bye Julian, I WON'T miss the random SHOUTING! 

Thursday, 17 October 2013

Strictly Late

Ok my fellow Strictly devotees here is the shit: Opening dance was as dull as bloody ditchwater and Bruce is back...still dull dancing is one hundred per cent better then nay dancing so who am I to whinge. Also, in some hideous DNA malfunctioning error my 6 year old has decided she really loves "that funny man who does the funny dance" so she's not allowed to watch it anymore!

Abby and Aljaz - Jive
Stompy and a bit slow but a week 3 jive is never going to be that outstanding (mind I said that about a week 2 charleston and look what Sophie did!). Anyway not bad enough to mock not good enough to rave over. She did look beautiful though, another fantastic costume week!
Scores: Me - 6 Judges 6,7,8,7 (Len is deluded!)

Patrick and Anya - Foxtrot
Perfectly pleasant, quite stylish actually if a tiny bit slow.
Scores: Me - 7 Judges - 6,7,7,7

Dave and Karen - Paso Doble
Telly - give up and go home now because you will never, ever beat that! Horrific and compelling it hurt my stomach with laughter but my heart with some weird love I feel for the funny bugger. Awesome! Can't resist posting it for your viewing pleasure!
Me - 5 (but really 11) Judges - 2,5,5,4

Fiona and Anton - Waltz
Poor buggers, it must be hard trying to perform a beautiful and elegant dance after the sheer madness that they had to follow. It was fine, a bit stilted but fine.
Me - 7 Judges - 7,7,7,7

Rachel and Pasha - Cha Cha Cha
Pasha is my fav of the male pro dancers - I totally would, aal ower the shop, I'm pointing this out because, much like when Derek Hough dances on Dancing With the Stars, I erm, well. Look lets me honest here - I forgot to look at her. I'm a terrible person, I know, we all know but right I am an amazing and experienced pervert and here look at this:

Anyhoo Scores - 7, Judges - 6,7,7,7

Mark and Iveta - American Smooth 
Very nice and sweet
Scores: Me - 6 Judges - 6,6,7,7

NOTE - Gosh it's all so lovely and sweet and pleasant, and right I know it's 'Love' week and all but where's the goddamn passion eh? Where's the heat. I have never known love to be sweet and pleasant and nice, it's filthy and hard and intoxicating. It's all too nice, I have nothing to get my teeth into. It's like eating chocolate torte really, it's all nice and that but then you feel sick. I'm now a bit annoyed by the safeness and mehness with the very notable exception of Barking Mad Myers.

Ben and Kristina - Rumba
Oh well, FINALLY! A load of passion, a bit of hip action, he was working his (frankly gorgeous) face! Not perfect but finally a bit of HEAT! Also does anyone else find Kristina's arse hypnotic? Just me? Finally a TON of personality from Ben. Loved it they are getting an extra point from me for not being safe and boring!
Scores - Me -8 Judges - 7,7,7,7

Sophie and Brendan - Samba
HURRAH, finally this show is moving and shaking and rolling all over the shop. STUFFED full of steps I absolutely loved that, and she coped with it so, so well. I am team Sophie!  I have the Brendan love  too and he's raised his game and his choreography, and so this is joyful.
Scores - Me - 8 Judges - 7,8,8,8,

Julien and Janette - Jive
More bonkers antics from JULIEN who randomly shouts the ODD word in a WEIRD and distracting manner! HAHAAHH. Erm. This routine was great, really stylish, lovely Blues Brothers homage, her legs are amazing and she dragged him through that by the skin of his teeth. Strangely entertaining
Scores - Me - 4 Judges - 4,5,7,6 (I think Len's been on the happy pills me like)

Susanna and Kevin - Waltz
Really lovely, romantic but not sickly, she's a great actress too and she's so so stunning. Good job
Scores - Me - 8 Judges

Vanessa and James - Tango
Look I'm not being mean (apart from totally being mean), but what the very fuck have they done to her hair? Dudes this is the only foot wrong in the entire of the costumes and hair/make up but it's a doozy! Also this dance was so bad that I was actually embarrassed and had to watch it through my fingers - not with delight like Dave and Karen, but in definite cringeville. They deserve the boot for this one methinks! No amount of tearful  outpourings on her love of the dance should save her now!
Scores - me - 3 Judges - 3,5,6,6

Ashley and O'LaLa - Samba
Not blinking bad I thought, good rhythm, good synchronicity, a tiny bit saucy a really good routine I thought.
Scores - Me -  8 Judges - 8,8.7.8 - oooh the happy pills have run out.. quick get Len a G&T!

Natalie and Artem - Rumba
Her movements are beautiful, the chick can move. She is an exquisite dancer and that was a lovely routine. Did anyone else think there was a lack of heat though? It left me a tiny bit cold. The Joey Tribbiani theory of on stage chemistry goes - if there is passion on stage you have nothing to worry about, it's all out there. If there is no passion on stage you should worry as it means passion is happening off stage...now I'm just repeating what this wise and fictional character said...I'm not starting any viscious rumours nor nowt, I'm just saying. Slightly passionless for me but still really beautiful, I think this might just be me eh?
Scores Me - 8 Judges - 9,9,9,9

Deborah and Robin - Quickstep
You flipping go smiler! Her face lights up when she's dancing it is so freaking adorable and charming and lovely, she's just lovely to watch because of her obvious pleasure. And she did a really good job too a fabulous quickstep. I honestly kinda of well up a little watching her, she's so happy. It's lovely (you were utterly right Gillian Coyle!)
Scores - Me - 7 Judges - 7,7,7,7


Another disappointing opening dance. Booo. Maybe I'm just a miserable loveless coobag this week or maybe I'm becoming horrendously cynical and disgusterous as I age. Bah it was dull, I'm a cow...moving on!

Andrea Bocelli and snoggy dancing from Aliona (also with terrible hair) and Aljaz were both exquiste, his voice is so beautiful and they danced beautifully. Lovely.

Favourite WINKLEMAN moment during Len's Lens when she said "Ring a ding ding" she is also a colossal perv  I think, which just makes me love her all the more!

Dance off - Julien and Janette and Vanessa and James. I called this, and was not even vaugely surprised UNTIL Julien managed to up his game during the dance off, I really expected them to go but was ultimately glad it was Vanessa and James. Is this the earliest James has gone out? He took it pretty well.

Sigggggggggggh I hope the next theme is ROCK or summat this lovely dovey crap was a bit sickly for my liking. See youse next week Strictly fans!

PS extra treat, no need to thank me, just LOOK at the boy MOVE!

Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Strictly - It's BACK!

I'm shocked really how many of you nutters have asked for the return of The Strictly Blog! I love youse for it so it is back, but I can't do all the pics and shiz as it's just too much work and I'm ill. So just the words people I hope that's ok!

So here we go - Strictly Week 2 and anyone who has ever read my blog before will know I did a flipping HAPPY dance around the living room when I heard there was no Bloody Brucie this week - WINKLEMAN all the way! I wonder if she'll marry me, I love her sooo much!  On with the dances:

1) Susanna and Kevin - Tango
Man she looked AMAZING, the hair, the dress, her already gorgeous face almost Drag Raced up. Stunning. A bit spaghetti armed and hesitant but lovely job, not sure about the choreography, he's  a new boy eh...he has a way to go I think, still we're off to a flying start!
Scores - Me= 7.  Judges = 7,8,8,8

2) Tony and Aliona - Charleston (apparently!)
Oh dear, and ahhhhh bless. It was blatantly rubbish, but he's so adorably smiley (this is going to be a feature throughout, a whole lot of not great dancers but gorgeous smilers - how are you supposed to resist them and be the correct level of mean about their rubbish skills eh?) I think this is Alionas punishment for wussying out of dancing with Johnny Ball she'll get a hottie next year for good behaviour I reckon. Also she looked fabulous, that costume was made of gorgeous. Anyway, I watched this with baited breath in case he passed out or dropped her and breathed a big sigh of relief at the end...could've have so easily been a diSARRRster darlings!
Scores - Me = 3 Judges = 2,4,4,3 AND Tess made a JUDGE DREDD joke, right there? Did you hear? Madly exciting! :-D

3) Natalie and Artem - Waltz
Beautiful, elegant, poised, perfect facial expression and wonderful arms and hands, wonderfully romantic. Bloody hell is it really only week 2. Go Natalie that was mint!
Scores - Me = 9 Judes= 8,9,8,9

4) Dave and Karen - American Smooth
Erm. Well. It's no good, I freaking love him, I'm trying to be all - well he's proper shit because well, he's proper shit. He's like a box of frogs, WHY are they restraining him, just let him out and let him hop about like a linty. Another amazing frock too, the dress makers have really stepped it up this year, amazing costumes!
Scores - Me - 5 Judges - 3,5,5,4

5) Patrick and Anya - Tango
Here man, it's that Ash offa casualty and he hasn't aged a a freaking bit in twenty years, we shouldn't be watching him dance - we should be dissecting him and finding the miracle anti aging cure! I absolutely LOVED the opening, I thought it was a very stylish routine altogether, though it flagged a little in the middle, I really like him and I think Anya is going to be one to watch. He had a bit o bum sticking out problem, I totally understand this, you don't feel right rubbing your naughty bits up against someone you're not doing the rumpy bumpy with...I have enormous chubobblies and find I hold myself back from people - or hug them to the side to avoid the offensive tits in the face problem. He'll get there! Go on my son!
Score - me - 7 Judges - 6,7,7,7

6) Deborah and Robin - Cha(r) Cha(r) Cha(r)  Dahlink
Another bugger of the smiling club. It's impossible to dislike her, she's so freaking happy to be dancing in the frock with the beautiful Robin, it's infections, I don't even think I watched her dance just her happy lil face. I have a feeling it was a little bit of the Fern variety, not quite there a bit careful but ha, who cares she's so freaking CUTE...I should point out that the extreme happy lady did not make me well up AT ALL in anyways I have a temperature so shuddup!
Scores - Me - 6 Judges - 5,7,6,6

7) Rachel and Pasha - Salsa
Awww bless her, for such a stunning women with an amazing figure she has no concept of sexy at all. She's like Sandy at the beginning of Grease (you know when she's 100% hotter but 99% less slutty?) She needs to find her inner whore or whooooer as I like to pronounce it. Still, she looked fab, is another of the smiler brigade and I could watch Pasha all day so ya nah, not bad!
Scores - Me - 5 Judges - 4,5,6,5

8) Vanessa and James - Waltz
Well, I didn't think she had that in her. (There might be a dirty joke there but I'm not touching it!) Quite lovely actually except for all the fooking tears. Howay man, stop yer bawling lass ye'll get nee sympathy here!
Scores - me - 6 Judges - 5,6,6,6,

9) Julien and Janette - Tango
Firstly, amazing, amazing style, both costumes and set and routine. Janette and Anya really liven up the Pro ladies routines. He's nee bloody good but he's trying so hard and the Judges are being bloody horrible. Thank goodness for Darcy (and I do because I adore her almost to Winkleman levels) I thought that was much more entertaining then he got credit for but hey ho, everyone has different opinions and those that disagree with me are entirely allowed to do so, though plainly they are wrong!
Scores - me - 5 Judges - 3,5,5,5,

10) Fiona and Anton - Cha Cha Cha
No hips and lots of mistakes but another member of the adorable smileys. They are ruining my fun! Nerves with this one, I reckon she could kick serious arse if she could get a hold of herself. Bless her.
Scores - me- 5 Judges - 6,6,5,5

11) Mark and Iveta - Salsa
He didn't seem to move his legs very much but his top half was giving it so much welly it was kind of strangely fantastic and his facial expressions were priceless!
Scores - me - 6 Judges - 4,6,7,5

12) Sophie and Brendan - Charleston
Week 2 people! WEEK 2! That was freaking amazing, I loved every second. We all know I'm partial to a bit of Brendan but it was her I couldn't take my eyes off, those endless legs and how perfect she was? He gets stick but I think Brendan is a lovely partner - always happy to let his lady shine..ooooh, ooh my brain just went to a dirty place! Dragging myself back to the edge of the gutter...brilliant that is all.
Scores - Me- 9 Judges 9,9,9,9

13) Ben and Kristina - Waltz
I HATE the song they danced to with such a wild and ridiculous passion that I missed most of this whilst bitching to my elder child about how much I hate this song and being utterly unable to explain why...I just do right, it's minging. Dance - aye alreet, nowt special, better then last week, nice arse  That's about it :-D
Scores - Me - 6 Judges - 6,6,7,6

14) Abby and Aljaz - Cha Cha Cha
Very little hips and made of nerves, much like Fiona to be honest. I didn't like this as much as the judges, I thought it was just ok. I do like her though and think she'll get better and better but found this a bit meh
Scores - me - 6 Judges - 7,7,8,8

15) Ashley and Ola - American Smooth
For once I didn't detest Ola's choreography! That was very charming in a deliciously old school manner. Lovely.
Scores - Me - 7  Judges - 7,9,8,8

All the dances have been danced so moving on to the RESULTS SHOW

Ok so the opening number I liked a whole lot, especially the opening with all the boys - yes I know you're shocked and I'm not even SLIGHTLY pervy or predictable! :-D

Also Matt Goss people - MATT GOSS singing 'When Will I Be Famous" without a single fecking "ooooooooooo aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" how freaking disppointing was that? I kept adding the "oooooahhhs' in for him so he didn't feel stupid. To be honest thou, I freaking loved that, I really did. Wonderful.

So we end up with Tony and Aliona and Julien and Janette in the Dance Off, absolutely no surpises with either the bottom two or the following decision to keep Julien and lose Tony. Bye Bye King of the Smilers, it was nice seeing you!

That's it people - you asked for it, you got it. See you here next week...keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep dancing yer fingers crossed for more Winkleman on Saturday night! :-D (Though obviously I hope Bruce doesn't cark it or owt, I'm not *that* evil!)

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Whittle Waffle Episode 2

Whittle Waffle Episode 2 which you can listen to HERE

And here's links to most everything I waffle on about:

Firstly, massive thanks to the outstandingly fabulous Sally Hurst for the amazing theme tune! Other podcast pluggage for Everything Starts With 2000AD

TV etc
Agents of SHIELD

Comics and Books
Blood Blokes by Adam Cadwell
Commando  and Keith Page
The Hound Of The D'Urbervilles by Kim Newman
Tove Jansson:
Clip from Tales in Moominland
Dancing Tove
Tove Jansson and Sort Of Books
SFX blog on Short Stories by moi

Doctor Who

Revenge of the Cybermen
 Beautiful Arundel

Silver Nemesis
The Lodger



The Knitting Goddess
The Shetland Trader
The Knit Studio

Scrumptious Socks!

                                                     Massive WIP pile!