1) Susanna and Kevin - Tango
Man she looked AMAZING, the hair, the dress, her already gorgeous face almost Drag Raced up. Stunning. A bit spaghetti armed and hesitant but lovely job, not sure about the choreography, he's a new boy eh...he has a way to go I think, still we're off to a flying start!
Scores - Me= 7. Judges = 7,8,8,8
2) Tony and Aliona - Charleston (apparently!)
Oh dear, and ahhhhh bless. It was blatantly rubbish, but he's so adorably smiley (this is going to be a feature throughout, a whole lot of not great dancers but gorgeous smilers - how are you supposed to resist them and be the correct level of mean about their rubbish skills eh?) I think this is Alionas punishment for wussying out of dancing with Johnny Ball she'll get a hottie next year for good behaviour I reckon. Also she looked fabulous, that costume was made of gorgeous. Anyway, I watched this with baited breath in case he passed out or dropped her and breathed a big sigh of relief at the end...could've have so easily been a diSARRRster darlings!
Scores - Me = 3 Judges = 2,4,4,3 AND Tess made a JUDGE DREDD joke, right there? Did you hear? Madly exciting! :-D
3) Natalie and Artem - Waltz
Beautiful, elegant, poised, perfect facial expression and wonderful arms and hands, wonderfully romantic. Bloody hell is it really only week 2. Go Natalie that was mint!
Scores - Me = 9 Judes= 8,9,8,9
4) Dave and Karen - American Smooth
Erm. Well. It's no good, I freaking love him, I'm trying to be all - well he's proper shit because well, he's proper shit. He's like a box of frogs, WHY are they restraining him, just let him out and let him hop about like a linty. Another amazing frock too, the dress makers have really stepped it up this year, amazing costumes!
Scores - Me - 5 Judges - 3,5,5,4
5) Patrick and Anya - Tango
Here man, it's that Ash offa casualty and he hasn't aged a a freaking bit in twenty years, we shouldn't be watching him dance - we should be dissecting him and finding the miracle anti aging cure! I absolutely LOVED the opening, I thought it was a very stylish routine altogether, though it flagged a little in the middle, I really like him and I think Anya is going to be one to watch. He had a bit o bum sticking out problem, I totally understand this, you don't feel right rubbing your naughty bits up against someone you're not doing the rumpy bumpy with...I have enormous chubobblies and find I hold myself back from people - or hug them to the side to avoid the offensive tits in the face problem. He'll get there! Go on my son!
Score - me - 7 Judges - 6,7,7,7
6) Deborah and Robin - Cha(r) Cha(r) Cha(r) Dahlink
Another bugger of the smiling club. It's impossible to dislike her, she's so freaking happy to be dancing in the frock with the beautiful Robin, it's infections, I don't even think I watched her dance just her happy lil face. I have a feeling it was a little bit of the Fern variety, not quite there a bit careful but ha, who cares she's so freaking CUTE...I should point out that the extreme happy lady did not make me well up AT ALL in anyways I have a temperature so shuddup!
Scores - Me - 6 Judges - 5,7,6,6
7) Rachel and Pasha - Salsa
Awww bless her, for such a stunning women with an amazing figure she has no concept of sexy at all. She's like Sandy at the beginning of Grease (you know when she's 100% hotter but 99% less slutty?) She needs to find her inner whore or whooooer as I like to pronounce it. Still, she looked fab, is another of the smiler brigade and I could watch Pasha all day so ya nah, not bad!
Scores - Me - 5 Judges - 4,5,6,5
8) Vanessa and James - Waltz
Well, I didn't think she had that in her. (There might be a dirty joke there but I'm not touching it!) Quite lovely actually except for all the fooking tears. Howay man, stop yer bawling lass ye'll get nee sympathy here!
Scores - me - 6 Judges - 5,6,6,6,
9) Julien and Janette - Tango
Firstly, amazing, amazing style, both costumes and set and routine. Janette and Anya really liven up the Pro ladies routines. He's nee bloody good but he's trying so hard and the Judges are being bloody horrible. Thank goodness for Darcy (and I do because I adore her almost to Winkleman levels) I thought that was much more entertaining then he got credit for but hey ho, everyone has different opinions and those that disagree with me are entirely allowed to do so, though plainly they are wrong!
Scores - me - 5 Judges - 3,5,5,5,
10) Fiona and Anton - Cha Cha Cha
No hips and lots of mistakes but another member of the adorable smileys. They are ruining my fun! Nerves with this one, I reckon she could kick serious arse if she could get a hold of herself. Bless her.
Scores - me- 5 Judges - 6,6,5,5
11) Mark and Iveta - Salsa
He didn't seem to move his legs very much but his top half was giving it so much welly it was kind of strangely fantastic and his facial expressions were priceless!
Scores - me - 6 Judges - 4,6,7,5
12) Sophie and Brendan - Charleston
Week 2 people! WEEK 2! That was freaking amazing, I loved every second. We all know I'm partial to a bit of Brendan but it was her I couldn't take my eyes off, those endless legs and how perfect she was? He gets stick but I think Brendan is a lovely partner - always happy to let his lady shine..ooooh, ooh my brain just went to a dirty place! Dragging myself back to the edge of the gutter...brilliant that is all.
Scores - Me- 9 Judges 9,9,9,9
13) Ben and Kristina - Waltz
I HATE the song they danced to with such a wild and ridiculous passion that I missed most of this whilst bitching to my elder child about how much I hate this song and being utterly unable to explain why...I just do right, it's minging. Dance - aye alreet, nowt special, better then last week, nice arse That's about it :-D
Scores - Me - 6 Judges - 6,6,7,6
14) Abby and Aljaz - Cha Cha Cha
Very little hips and made of nerves, much like Fiona to be honest. I didn't like this as much as the judges, I thought it was just ok. I do like her though and think she'll get better and better but found this a bit meh
Scores - me - 6 Judges - 7,7,8,8
15) Ashley and Ola - American Smooth
For once I didn't detest Ola's choreography! That was very charming in a deliciously old school manner. Lovely.
Scores - Me - 7 Judges - 7,9,8,8
All the dances have been danced so moving on to the RESULTS SHOW
Ok so the opening number I liked a whole lot, especially the opening with all the boys - yes I know you're shocked and I'm not even SLIGHTLY pervy or predictable! :-D
Also Matt Goss people - MATT GOSS singing 'When Will I Be Famous" without a single fecking "ooooooooooo aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" how freaking disppointing was that? I kept adding the "oooooahhhs' in for him so he didn't feel stupid. To be honest thou, I freaking loved that, I really did. Wonderful.
So we end up with Tony and Aliona and Julien and Janette in the Dance Off, absolutely no surpises with either the bottom two or the following decision to keep Julien and lose Tony. Bye Bye King of the Smilers, it was nice seeing you!
That's it people - you asked for it, you got it. See you here next week...keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep